Question about shame correlated to secret desires/knowledge.

rubenBoons
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Apr 24, 2012 12:25 pm

Question about shame correlated to secret desires/knowledge.

Postby rubenBoons » Tue Jun 28, 2016 8:43 pm

Ok so I have calmed down from my previous drug abuse, and have delved into my past a bit (memories etc), and I was wondering Andrea if you could answer maybe some questions regarding a point. (mind entity points) related to my own feelings of shame and abuse in the past,

See I have several points of shame regarding to sex/pictures/porn/drug abuse, and regarding to the mind-demons I created when I first came to understand about the Portal and the Sunette's own experience regarding your parent having cancer.

See, I have several memories where a point came up of shame/fear, and this point of shame lead to certain behaviours/patterns that I created through those points of fear.

Now these are probably the major points in my life where I was shamed for what I did, and instead of facing the shame, and finding excuses, I used these points to delve deeper into sex/porn addiction. But also where I used knowledge of other people to shame them in return and in such create some sort of knowledge/power captivity where I hold this information as a weapon against that person.

Now for example I have a huge history of porn/drug/masturbation abuse as is evident in me being part of the stop the porn program.

And this abuse I tolerate is mostly due to events that happened and I wrote about prior to my own engagement in those activities.

Now I am partly wondering if it is necessary for me to confess what I did to the people I believe to have shamed, so that they can mad at me so I can be shamed in return and the 'energy' so to speak is returned to its previous owner?

FOr example if I had a secret, or somebody else had a secret we could share it to eachother and then we can share a point? Or something? Then the mind has shared a point? It's like backchat or a 'pact'. A dark pact so to speak.

It's like I want to confess my sins of the past to the people that were hurt by it, partly to regain integrity again, but also partly because I want to right what I did wrong. And of course i Know this is through self forgiveness and the fear of me confessing my sins is really extensive, it's so extensive that if I focus long enough on it I can not help but create an emotional state within this point, which is not really self-forgiveness, because I'm holding on to those secret-desires of porn etc.

I want to write out those points of having a secret desire, but I'm not sure if I'm just fooling myselef when I write out those points and creating more mind demons, or if I'm actually adressing those points and reestablishing my own integrity.

rubenBoons
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Apr 24, 2012 12:25 pm

Re: Question about shame correlated to secret desires/knowledge.

Postby rubenBoons » Tue Jun 28, 2016 8:44 pm

Or is the confession in and of itself also a point of sex? Where you link 2 points of people together?

rubenBoons
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Apr 24, 2012 12:25 pm

Re: Question about shame correlated to secret desires/knowledge.

Postby rubenBoons » Tue Jun 28, 2016 9:16 pm

In all self-honesty I'm trying to create a relationship with another person thorough knowledge of them. Like truth/dare.

rubenBoons
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Apr 24, 2012 12:25 pm

Re: Question about shame correlated to secret desires/knowledge.

Postby rubenBoons » Tue Jun 28, 2016 10:52 pm

Ok I notice that I create lust/sin so when I get shamed by somebody else through backchat or judgements I can pity myself.

And self-pity keeps me in the cycle of judgement/shame/addiction.


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