Laura's back chats writings to release myself.

Here we will place categories of Mind Possessions with examples - showing how to use the tool of writing and self forgiveness to assist oneself within the Pattern of Mind Possession.
Laura Nuñez
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Feb 03, 2011 1:46 pm
Location: Spain
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Laura's back chats writings to release myself.

Postby Laura Nuñez » Tue Jun 21, 2011 12:55 am

Back chat - 'back shit'
Becomming possesed has been so normal suddently i grew and became possesed quickly.

I suppose i have many demons in me. resonance demons?
It's funny because i can see now easier when i'm moving INTO that state where i am possesed and i am now identified with the pattern. Like in one instant, like i can completely drop the glass of water into the floor, or throw anything through the window.
I'm going to name the demon possesions i have been experimenting more prominent this last months or so. It is like if i have them so clear like identified. But as that i haven't released them yet, like they have shown in many facets/ways.
And they have a really dirty face, and angry face, like real demons... it's the sensation of... not being able to go out of that place. It's really like a nightmare. wow... only breath can move one out of those states. But step by step, because what's very triggering about this is that if i am possesed and i know it, and i know that i have to go out of there and breath inmediately and take action and stand up as breath, well, what happens (or what has been happening to me) is that I breath in, and i can see the difficulty of breathing!!! i mean the possetion is srtong and even breathing becomes hard, so i have seen that i have to breath slow, first, tep by step:

not go deep-pressed. cool, gently breath, again, breath in, come here again, to the physical, not necessary to force oneself, as it is breath by breath, step by step and moving at the same time, breathing, here oneself, here.

And yes I'm able to stand up.

So it¡'s not like: bretahing and: yes suddently everything cool aha!
No.. well i can see that because of so many layers, i have to breath slow like take it cool, chilled, i mean i'm going out of a possetion state, i don't want to harm me, i don't want to harm my body, so i direct me to go out of there, because if i do it suddently sometimes what has been happening is that it's like a twist, or other type of supression ike the ego saying: haha, hello! i'm still here!! i wont go out till everything is removed, ... -like the ego showing and saying also: hey, you are great girl you could stand up, now the ego grows and it's again supression running.

or for example i suddently breath, but because of the high emotional possetion state, it's like i breath and go to other reaction or something like that... so it's to breath, slow, breath, move, slow direct, point by point, don't stop breathing, but really don't let anything desconcentrate you, you are breathing! you're being born! it's like... when you're painting or whatever you have to be concentrated, you are deprograming yourself and de-possesing yourself!! so come on, this need concentration 100% and need me to breath the entire time and be aware of the movements!!!!


Sometimes i'd really like everything to suddently change... wow... i've been having this kind of desire" just since i was the first time in desteni. but no, everything has just shown and revealed and i can see that this really needs time... which is cool but no so cool, lol.

Laura Nuñez
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Feb 03, 2011 1:46 pm
Location: Spain
Contact:

sleeping more than 6 hours

Postby Laura Nuñez » Fri Jul 01, 2011 10:23 am

:!:
I seltp a lot!!! 7 hours and 15 minutes almost!!! And i woke up with 4 hours of sleeping but i went again to bed to sleep the 6 hours, but when the clock sounded, i shut it off and slept 1 hour and 15 minutes more!!!

I woke up with anger on that cause i didn’t wanted to sleep that much, i don’t like sleeping a lot cause of my body, if my body wants to get up, it’s kind of cruel that i keep it on bed if it was ready to woke up, and now i have a it of pain in my neck and shoulders i was frightened just going out of my bed because of sleeping this much, not a cool thing, so:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to become angry at myself for not sleeping the time my body requires but to pay atention to my mind and not wake up inmediately.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed msyelf to create anger.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowd myself to be anger.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to have the idea that now that i slept almost 8 hours my mind is recharged and that i will repeat all patterns and all situations i don’t want to live again, because i’m creating that instead of walk in the moment and direct each moment.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated for having slept more that 6 hours.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that i must suffer for not doing what my body needs.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that my body is now going to collapse for me sleeping more than 6 hours.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to not listen to my body when he wants to wake up.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to fear neck pain.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be sad for having neck pain.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to fear shoulders pain

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to accept anger as something to be lived

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to not support me as life.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to not want to wake up because i don’t want to take responsability for what i have in my mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe i must hate my mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that my body will have some illness for me sleeping more than 6 hours.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my body.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to fear my partner doing what i fear him doing.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to fear fear.

I am here.
I am life.
I am breath
I take self responsability and direct myself.
Last edited by Laura Nuñez on Fri Jul 01, 2011 10:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

Laura Nuñez
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Feb 03, 2011 1:46 pm
Location: Spain
Contact:

Gelaousy

Postby Laura Nuñez » Fri Jul 01, 2011 10:24 am

I also had this Back chat tonight: gelaousy. My partnet went out with his friends of the university, lots of people went because of the end of the carreer. And he’s got lots of friends there… yet he has never asked me to go with him and his friends….. that’s one point.

The other is that i don’t have many friends… so i felt inferior to him and gelaous about him having so much.

He has now commited to not drink alcohol and to not smoke.
And we spoke late night and he told me he was still remaining without doing it, but that he wanted to drink….. but he was resisting (and he had this voice of like resisting, like… low voice, the type of voice he puts when he goes out that is different than when we speak both alone)
And i told him: don’t resist, what one resists – persists, so better to know why are you not doing it and remain constant. He said Ok.

Then we hanged the phone… i was having thoughts of: maybe he wants to supress points that he’s looking… maybe he likes other girls and he’s creating thoughts or feelings and he wants to drink because of that…
I went to bed with those fears, cause i feared him wanting to be with another girl, because when we hanged the phone i said: have a good time ( in spanish: ‘pásala rico’)
Rico = translated as → have a “tasty” time, or a “delicious” time, or a “rich” time.

And when we are having sex, and i’m comming to the orgasm, he sais to me: tasty, or “rico”.

So…. I related to that and feared him relating it to that, fuck!!!
I went to bed so freaking scared, lol… and it happens to me when we speak late at night and i leave open doors with those type of situations with my partner or we don’t speak the point till the solution or we hang the ohone with a voice that i relate to some creepy voice or with two meanings the voice or the goodbye.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to not be self confident.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to fear my boyfriend going out with other girls.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create the demon of gelaousy.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be gelaousy.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be gelaous at my partner for having many friends.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is my fault that my partner don’t ask me to go out with him and his friends.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to go to bed with fear.

I frogive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to not live my words

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to fear my partner relating words like: rico – tasty to sex. :ugeek: :ugeek:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to fear my partner’s mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to fear my partner leaving me for another woman.

Laura Nuñez
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Feb 03, 2011 1:46 pm
Location: Spain
Contact:

Re: Laura's back chats writings to release myself.

Postby Laura Nuñez » Thu Jun 27, 2013 11:10 am

Wow a lot has changed in process now.
I have even improved my english, it's no gelousy but jealousy, lol.
I recommend listening to:
https://eqafe.com/p/the-quantum-mechani ... nts-part-3

Laura Nuñez
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Feb 03, 2011 1:46 pm
Location: Spain
Contact:

Writings to release myself.

Postby Laura Nuñez » Sun Apr 12, 2015 3:20 pm

Funk yeah, I'm gonna write here. It's the place for me atm, because I see my writings being too charged with emotions and I'm not sharing them any more.

I'm busy now studying graphic design, and the university is extremely time consuming. So, i see lots of points coming up every day, but it’s like I’ve adapted to my mind again, not like challenging myself to not accept what comes up in my mind immediately and just continue with what I’m doing because i don’t have time to write or check what’s going on.
Now i’m taking a moment for myself to do this, this morning I woke up feeling like crap, and it’s not something unusual, actually I think everyday I wake up i feel with a heavy emotion mostly in my chest which then becomes sadness. it’s a feeling of overwhelmingness, because I see my daily routine and how I am not as effective as I could.
For example, i spend lots of time in the internet and in front of the computer doing homework because everyday I have homework from the university, and it’s like I spend all the time doing the homework’s I have but I’m not effective at it because i left it unfinished or for the next day, and at the end of the day I feel tired and sleepy so I go to take a nap and i sleep till the next day, and I am not doing exercise or going out with people or doing other things i would like to do as for example things I started but never continued, as for example playing the guitar, dancing, singing, making art because i already have my degrees on arts, but now I started with graphic design and I came back to live to Colombia, and here i am now, not comfortable at all with my life at the moment, living with and by my parents still.

So there are lots of problems I see i have to face as consequences for me living my life as if I had all the time in the world, as if I wasn’t able to finish tasks, and to complete others i have to do but I have left behind. The consequences of the world system currently, which is also the representation of my mind, that of having to study for like 25 years and then going out to the working system and not knowing if one will have a job or if it will be good payed. So this constant not knowing is a problem, because it’s also what I’m living internally, like because I feel all this shit inside and haven’t worked it out and solved it and written it down and walked my process supporting myself daily, its like I feel that I won’t walk my process in the end because i’m not doing it daily, so this preoccupation is silly because it’s a matter of doing something daily like centering myself in everything daily. But why do I fin this difficult? It’s because I have distractions, like Facebook, like the internet, music, youtube.

And this feelings and thoughts, because i see how I would be much more effective if I just didn’t have this noise in my head telling me that i don’t know how to do things, how to finish things fast, how to walk this system and my mind, how to complete homework being effective, creative and doing harmonious things.

So, I’ve been in solitude a lot, this is another point, and it’s because i have to do my own homework, so it’s a solitude work, but I’ve been using this to also like spend a lot of time alone at home, not going out, from home to university, from university to home, and I’ve been using this time to also nurture myself with the support of the group, through listening to vlogs, hangouts, mixlr, and also to blogs because I found the perfect software to listen to wirings, a text to speech, called iSpeak it, and also reading self forgiveness from others aloud.
But because of my lack of discipline, consistency, self commitment, self challenge, I see that I’m not being effective in my life. It’s not enough in me nurturing myself with the support I find on the internet, i have to support myself because no one has my mind but me.

So this is a first step to see if I can finally start supporting myself as what I have become, which is not the best of me, I see how i have limited myself, and how I am living in fear which is not acceptable.

Thanks :)

Laura Nuñez
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Feb 03, 2011 1:46 pm
Location: Spain
Contact:

Re: Laura's back chats writings to release myself.

Postby Laura Nuñez » Fri May 08, 2015 3:01 am

Today while watching a video from Sunette

I noticed how I have reactions to Sunette having her nails with color and long.
I usually never paint my nails, and I cut them because when I have them long, it’s like I (excuse if this is offensive, it is not my intention) I can’t wipe my ass properly, with long nails.

So, i don’t understand why is she now having her nails with color, I remember a past video saying that having the nails like that was covering ones own expression because it’s like not wanting to show ones nails and in that one is covering things and suppression, in summary of what I understood of the video.
And now I see the portal, the girl who said that, and my mind goes like: what? Sunette.. why you! i don’t understand, it doesn’t makes any sense! And it’s like me wanting to control what she does, like wanting her to be the most perfect person in the world, lol, instead of me applying and living self perfection, i go in my mind into judgements and into: but why, i don’t get it.

Also, the fact that painting ones nails i see as a waste of time, and also, after one week one has to cleanse ones nails from the paint because nails grow up and so one has to take the painter off, in only one week!! So that implies that one is wasting paper to clean, and not only that but also toxic and smelly products to clean the nails from the painter.

So I would like an explanation, but first I have to sort myself out because i am in this not considering that i have separated myself from the physical so I am not seeing everything globally but in my mind reacting to something, because an idea got in conflict to what i see happening in reality.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in my mind when seeing people with their nails polished, with peinture, and/or large, because of me not wanting to have them like that because of holding onto ideas that polishing and painting ones nails is bad to the environment, and that having them large is bad for ones ass when one is cleaning it.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to control what others do with their nails because of me thinking i’ve got the right answers and that i am right and they’re wrong if they don’t do the same that I do, as for example i think i’m right about: cutting my nails to a size where they don’t overpass the finger, and, not polishing and painting my nails.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to Sunette, the portal, having her nails polished, painted, large, because of me not having them like that, and because of having negative judgements to having the nails painted and polished and large. i realize it’s an action I don’t want to do and I don’t do because i see as a waste of time and as something unnecessary and something that shouldn’t be done by anyone. But in reacting in my mind to seeing others doing that, i am creating inner conflict because of me seeing something that in my mind I have judged and negated. instead of allowing myself to live here as the physical and see what others do as something that they decided to do for themselves by themselves, and i don’t really want to control them or direct them but as equals as me, in the same way i want me to direct myself as effective as i can, i want others to do that, to direct themselves, and in that i have to let go of wanting to have control of what others do or decide to do with their bodies, with what they have as products or materials that they may use.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to want to negate my past and my history, where in the past i had my nails painted and with many different colors, and i would paint them by myself and i remember that i liked to have them painted, because when i saw them, i felt i was more aware of my fingers. And also, i liked feeling peinture in my fingers, as if they were heavier and in that, i felt my fingers more, and i was more aware of the movements of my hands and fingers, and i felt more directive.
i realize i was not living that as an expression of myself and I haven’t lived self direction, but i have throughout my life tried to live that with something like painting my nails and with feeling as if i am being self directive, through my thoughts about myself, which are essentially judgements, like judging me as special, as self responsible, etc, because i felt that way in a specific moment, and then i fed those thoughts about me.


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